You want to minimize the effects of divorce on your children as much as possible, but you must accept that they live in two households now. This may not be the arrangement you desire, but you want to make the most of it.
Focus on the Family offers insights for helping shared children adjust to separate rules in separate households. Learn how to help make your kids’ post-divorce lives as easy as possible.
Get clear on expectations
Get together with the other parent to discuss your shared expectations for your kids. Once you choose those expectations, communicate them with your children. Consider creating and posting event calendars, goals and chores in both households. Having visual reminders could make it easier for you, the other parent and your kids to stay on the same page.
When parents have different rules in their households, their children may act out when they do not have the same chores or responsibilities in both houses. Parents may get together without the children to discuss similarities and differences in both households. Then, they may work together to iron out wrinkles.
Refrain from badmouthing
While you may not agree with your former spouse’s rules or freedoms for your shared children, try not to speak negatively about her or him, especially because your kids may hear. If you cannot keep your comments positive, aim to keep them neutral in front of your kids.
Appoint an outside sounding board
Your kids could have things on their minds they feel they cannot share with you or the other parent. To help their mental health, consider asking an adult outside either household to serve as a sounding board. Your children may feel more comfortable speaking with someone who is not mom or dad.
Your kids deserve to live happy, fulfilled lives after divorce. Learn how to help them soar.